As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
