You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Randomize