it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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