Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
