census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
