I heard we made out
i just google imaged poop.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
