Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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