You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Two words: blizzard sex
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
