My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
