I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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