Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize