Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
