Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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