my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize