God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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