I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
