Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
