forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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