"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
