Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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