If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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