I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
