We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
