I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize