What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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