woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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