look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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