I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All the doctor said was why
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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