Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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