Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
