My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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