I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
