thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
