In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she told me i tasted like america
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
