i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
