the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
