Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm at about main and main street
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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