At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
