I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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