I faked an abortion last night.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize