and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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