Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
