Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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