I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
