Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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