The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
