you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
