it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
