He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize