Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
