HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
