do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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