He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
