this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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