At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
