I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
