Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
