I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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