I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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