Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
