dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
