Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
