I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
