Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
