wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
